Friday, November 16, 2012

God has Spoken!

Deanna and Me!

Deanna and I both went to Tuskegee. Deanna was a few years older than me, and we never really interacted in college. But being that Tuskegee is a rather small school, we sort of knew each other.

After I graduated from Tuskegee, I moved to Birmingham, Alabama, and Deanna was also in Birmingham going to law school. Not sure how it happened, but we use to hang out from time to time in Birmingham. Both attending Tuskegee meant that we knew each other, and it was all good. (There is nothing like that Tuskegee bond!)

Years later, I ended up moving to Northern Virginia, and guess who not only moved to Northern Virginia but also lived in my same apartment complex? None other than Deanna!!!!! Let's just say that the fun began..........

Deanna and I were invited to parties all of the time. We really believed that people invited us to their parties to guarantee that everyone would have a good time. We use to party, were in the same book club, and would do so many fun things together.

Deanna was super talented. She would do my hair, write and recite poetry, crochet, paint, create all types of birthday cards, invitations etc, tell the most awesome stories and jokes, make beautiful costumes for Halloween, could beat anyone mixing drinks, read book after book etc.

Eventually, Deanna moved to Atlanta.

Gerald, another friend who went to Tuskegee as well, changed his Facebook profile picture to a picture of himself and Deanna and then I got a message from him saying to call him, and my heart dropped. I knew that this was not good, and it wasn't....

Gerald and Deanna!

Gerald told me that Deanna passed away, and my brain has not stopped since: I thought about her family whom she is extremely close to; I thought about Tuskegee's homecoming, Deanna goes to homecoming every year; I thought about all of the great times that we use to share; I thought about the first thing that she said to me when she saw me at Homecoming this year: I miss you; I thought why Deanna and why now?

This poem titled "And How Could I live On" by Nikki Giovanni kept going through my brain. The poem has nothing to do with Deanna, but the words "And How Could I live on" kept going through my mind......

I was up all night last night, phone was ringing, but I had no words, and therefore could not talk

On the way to work, I needed words, and I did not want them to be my own. So, I listened to Nikki Giovanni read from her poetry collection...and it was good, hot soup for my soul.....

I know there are a lot of people thinking today "And How Could I live On," and............

"And How Could I Live On"
by Nikki Giovanni

Live? How could I live on -- knowing::::::::Oh sure I could hold on
Wait -- worry -- But I had to hear the sobs -- I know what I must look like
Live? I did live on -- when the bullets rained I fell -- over the girls I
knew he was gone -- I knew I had to change things
We were partners -- you know -- we thought as one -- Sometimes he thought
it was all -- him -- why not::::I knew::::it was us
The changes -- the acceptable changes -- The work -- The worry
But We Pulled Through
The people who used us -- stole from us -- tried to divide us from each other
But we pulled Through
We were at the plateau -- not resting but catching our breaths--The
girls were doing all -- right -- a stumble here -- and there -- but all right
Then this -- this mark that could not be erased -- the mistake that could not be
corrected::::::::I only wanted to Help her
Help cleanse her
Help tame her hate
Her fears
that thing that ran in his family
I brought the boy home hoping trying yes praying scared I was too old too
tired to make a difference but trying
We argued::::and we argued::::but this to me--I didn't feel like it
I wanted my crossword puzzle and late-night radio -- I wanted peace
I felt him before I heard him::::::::Heard him before I saw him::::Called
out MALCOLM don't do this to me
And he threw gasoline on me
MALCOLM don't do this to yourself:::::Stop Now
and he lit the match
and he tossed it
How could I live on -- like some thing out of Richard Wright's poem -- like
an object for people to come view -- like a shadow of myself No, I could
survive but could not live on Knowing my grandbaby:::::named for a great
man who loved me::::::wanted needed insisted upon My Death
I could not live on and wake up -- from that nightmare

I wouldn't take anything for the times that I shared with Deanna.

However, God has spoken, and we all will come to grips with "AMEN" eventually......

The Tuskegee Troops are rallying "The People" right now!


Ree said...

I know this comes late, but sorry for your loss. (but isn't it great to have those memories.) We just have to trust that HE makes no mistakes.

Jacqueline said...

I really am happy that I had those memories. Deanna was really awesome....

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